I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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