i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
