oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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