i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
