Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
