I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
