You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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