I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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