2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
