You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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