That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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