I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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