I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
