You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
