Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
