i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
