your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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