sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
