ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
