drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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