You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
