To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
