If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
