Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
