i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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