I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There r osticjed everywhere
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
