Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
