I think my fart just growled at me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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