hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
