I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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