Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
