Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
