Me too!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
