dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
