i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk is not a location!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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