Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
