Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
