I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
