I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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