FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
barbara walters just said penis...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
