Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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