end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Enjoy the penises
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
