I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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