She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
