Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
