Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
