And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
