Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
