I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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