Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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